The Art of the Visit by Kathy Bertone

Author:Kathy Bertone
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780762444939
Publisher: Running Press

Understanding and Empathy

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”

—DONNA ROBERTS, AUTHOR

WHEN WITH YOUR ELDER GRANDPARENT, PARENT, SIBLING, or friend you become frustrated, impatient, agitated, or tired, or when things are simply not going well and stress is the emotion of the moment, stop, take a breath, and try to imagine the way it must feel to be old: You are tired, annoyed at your body for not doing what your mind asks of it. Often you are frightened because you are confused or unsure. Sometimes that fear translates into anger when you don’t mean it to. You want to get to know the grandchildren better, but they have their own interests and are no longer interested in you. You want to help your grown child with a problem, but it is too complex. Often you feel unwanted and unworthy, dependent at best, needy at worst. Nobody really sees you anymore.

Is it any wonder our elders sometimes become irritable and demanding? Understanding their concerns and empathizing alleviates that fear and makes for a happier, less-anxious older guest—which makes for a better visit.

Understand that physical and mental abilities and interests change as we age. Let’s say your grandmother was once a great cook. Don’t expect or assume the same level of competence or interest now. And even if she wants to show off her knife skills, you may want to discourage it by asking her to critique yours. However, if your guest wants to help, by all means let them. Just don’t tell your aged mother-in-law that you always thought her pasta sauce was bland—at least not if she has the chef’s knife in hand.

Don’t expect the older guest to know how that new fancy gadget or piece of equipment works. Take the time to explain. And don’t rush them or confuse them: now is not the time to ask for assistance in creating that complicated meal for eight with each dish time critical.

The visit is not the venue to discuss anything controversial or painful, if it can possibly be avoided. If you must talk seriously about a difficult issue, it is best to do that quietly and alone. If your elderly guest starts a discussion that has the potential to be, well, deadly, like why someone isn’t yet married, or when young Steve is going to get serious about school, defuse it quickly. Don’t waste precious time trying to change their opinion. There are other, better, times to discuss these things, if they need to be discussed at all. If you can’t avoid it, try to make light of the situation and do not side with any one party against the other. In this case your safest bet is to stay neutral.

VISIT WIZARD TIP If your older guest has a physical or mental disability, explain it to the children in terms they can understand. That way the child will be less afraid or hesitant, and the elder will feel better knowing everyone understands.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.